When Jacob was in his death bed he called to his sons to give them each his blessing before he left this world. He blessed each one of his children according to their strengths. He also admonished their weaknesses and told them how to deal with them.
To Reuven he said “unstable as water, you shall not have pre-eminence.” What he was really saying to him was that he had a flaw in his character and that was that he acted impulsively and he should strive and work to correct that. He was referring to the time in which Rachel died and he moved his father’s bed from Bilhas tent (Rachel’s maidservant) to his mother Leah’s tent interfering with his father’s personal life which was not right.
Because of this he lost what was meant for him. Since he was the first born the Kingship of Israel was meant to be his inheritance but because of his impulsive traits it was taken away from him and given to Yehudah , and this is why the lineage of Kingship comes from him. For a king can’t act impulsively.
Just as water flows quickly, so is the behavior of the impulsive person who acts without thinking and measuring the consequences of his actions. The Torah’s metaphor of water serves as a constant reminder of the dangers of having this character trait.
Reuven had a bad trait, he was not a bad person; he just had one bad trait that made him quick tempered.
So what Jacob really was saying to him was, Reuven my son, it is not that you are a sinner or a criminal, but your problematic temper has prevented you from fulfilling what is meant for you.
All of us have some problematic character trait, it can be short temper, stinginess, jealousy, lack of patience, etc… this traits don’t define the person you really are, but they sure cause lots of problems. They are just there to give you free will to choose to be righteous. If we didn’t have them we would have no merits in life. Work on them and don’t let them take over your life. You be the master of your actions don’t let your actions be the master of you.
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